


Sweet Cheeks

by dreameh



Series: The Flash Redemption Arc™ [1]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Kiss, M/M, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, Nicknames, Protective Tony Stark, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Wade Wilson is a Good Bro, even wade can see that tony loves peter like he was his own, flash thompson likes to tease peter, he took it too far once rip, peter is done with flash's bullshit, peter is done with wade's bullshit, the beginning to flash's redemption, theres a whole ass four fics planned in my flash redemption arc, troublemakers peter wade and ned, uhh how does one tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-11-13 06:58:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18026954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreameh/pseuds/dreameh
Summary: Spider-Man and Deadpool. An unexpected pair that formed a rather strange but close friendship.After telling Ned of the latest 'Spideypool adventures' (and the latest pet name the older vigilante has given him), Flash Thompson asks Peter who his boyfriend is, hearing of the rumoured nicknames that he has been given.Ned tells Flash that Peter's boyfriend is Deadpool.Flash doesn't believe Ned.Peter wants to prove he knows both Deadpool and Spider-Man.Wade is just here for a good time and a real friend.(edited 29/03/19)





	Sweet Cheeks

Peter Parker and Wade Wilson, Spider-Man and Deadpool. Two masked vigilantes with very different sets of morals and two very different lives. Anyone would think that they wouldn't get along at all because of how different they were, right? Wrong. The two have the most uncanny friendship that you wouldn't believe unless you saw them with your own eyes.

Wade initially had some strange sexual obsession with Spider-Man, because not many people can pull off spandex and in his eyes, Spider-Man was able to do more than just pull it off. After trying to throw him off a bridge in a moment of panic and consequently being severely berated by the spider themed vigilante before the suit's A.I. could go into some sort of panic mode and call Iron Man to his location (although, Spider-Man warned him to keep an eye out regardless because the Baby Monitor protocol was always active and 'Mr Stark has probably already seen the footage'), he somehow managed to befriend him.

After they had been friends for a while (Peter wouldn't let Wade continue to be friends with him unless he didn't kill anyone for a few months and was impressed when he did exactly that), he found out who was underneath the mask and was immediately disgusted in himself for lusting over a kid. He decided instead that he really didn't mind being the best vigilante best friend a boy could have instead.

Now, the flirting that Wade often directed towards Peter wasn't serious, not at all, Scout's honour, and all that shit. Peter knew very well that if Wade couldn't kill, the next best thing that he enjoyed to do was flirt. He wasn't at all surprised when he started calling him baby boy and tried to make him flustered with dumb pick up lines that just made him laugh more than anything.

After not checking up on the footage from Peter's suit for a while and then watching all of the footage from the past few months at once, Tony suddenly found out that Peter was hanging out with the vigilante with the worst reputation and threw a fit. However, after watching some of their interactions through the Baby Monitor protocol, he realised that he could see how much Deadpool was trying to change to be a better person for the kid. Just for a companion who would be there for him. Just for a genuine friend. It certainly didn't excuse him from his past actions, but it made him see the man in a more humane light.

 

* * *

 

One of Ned's favourite things was hearing Peter's adventures with Wade Wilson aka Deadpool. Him and Peter had always loved superheroes and when the weapon wielding vigilante initially showed up, guns blazing, _literally_ , Ned was awed by him. Yes, he killed for a living, but everyone's gotta make a living _somehow_ , he just happened to be a mercenary. Whilst sitting in physics, Ned leaned over his desk and whispered to Peter "Hey what's your newest nickname?" Peter didn't even have to think about the question that would seem strange to anyone else before answering his best friend.

"Sweet cheeks."

It took all of Ned's self control to not burst out laughing at that moment and resorted to little giggles that were quiet enough that only Peter could hear him. Peter smiled fondly at his best friend. He really wanted to introduce his overall best friend to his vigilante best friend, but he was somewhat afraid of what sort of trouble they would get into if they were all together.

It probably wouldn't be a good idea for them to all be together though, they'd most likely end up getting in trouble with the law and while Wade couldn't care less, it was very different for the two younger males. He'd bring the two together one day soon enough, but not just yet. After being shot a glare from Ms Warren, Peter came out of his sidetracked thoughts and nudged his friend to get him to quiet down, even though nobody could hear him, and rolled his eyes when his friend had to wipe tears away from his eyes.

As soon as they were out of class, Ned's pent up laughter tumbled out. "Thanks Ned, keep laughing. Don't worry, Wade would totally appreciate you thinking his nicknames are funny." Ned froze suddenly, not catching the sarcasm in Peter's voice. "Oh no is he gonna kill me for that?"  
_r/whoooosh much_. Peter couldn't help but laugh at the look on his friend's face, that's when Ned picked up that it was a joke and laughed along. "I can't believe his new nickname for you is sweet cheeks? Is your life some sort of melodrama?"

Peter laughed harder at his friend's outburst, but sadly, ruining the moment, his spidey sense played up and he tensed in anticipation, trying not to make it obvious that something was causing him discomfort. Seconds later, a hand clapped harshly against his shoulder and he heard the mocking laugh of Flash. "What's this about a nickname of 'sweet cheeks'? Has Penis Parker got a boyfriend?" Peter tried to control his breathing to stop the panic that was rising from being in such a close position to his tormenter.

Ned answered for him, but it wasn't Peter's ideal answer, no, it was an answer he would have shelved away as soon as it came to mind. "Yeah! His boyfriend is the vigilante Deadpool!" Peter's eyes widened comically wide at the answer seconds before Flash pushed him away and to the floor. "Pfft yeah as if Penis managed to get a vigilante to date him. He lied about knowing Spider-Man after all." Ned huffed and helped Peter up.

Peter gave Ned a look but sighed at the determined look in his friend's eyes. "I can prove it to you. Friday after school. You, me, Ned and Deadpool." Flash looked at Peter from over the top of his nose, harrumphed, told them it was a deal and walked away. When he was out of range, Peter turned to Ned and shout-whispered "Ned! Now I've gotta ask Wade to fake date me just to prove a bully wrong. What were you thinking? Wade's gonna kill Flash oh my god Rest In Peace Eugene Thompson."

Ned laughed at his friend's rambling and responded to him simply by saying, "It'll be fine. It'll temporarily give Deadpool a feel of how it would be dating you and it'd get Flash off your back. You're meeting with him tonight, you can just tell him what happened then, he'll understand." Ned then patted him on the back and walked off to his locker. "Honestly, it'll turn out well. I believe in you."

 

* * *

 

_He’ll understand. He said. It’ll turn out well. He said. This just in, Ned is a liar_. Peter concluded as he stood on top of the building, watching as Wade was absolutely losing it laughing at his situation. “I’m sorry sweet cheeks but this is so funny. Your friend told some random guy we were dating? Comedy gold.” Peter rolled his eyes and waited for the laughter to die down.

“Done now?” Wade nodded, residual tears still in his eyes, “Anyway, what I didn’t say was that this guy bullied me since gods know when and doesn’t even believe I know Spider-Man, which was Ned’s first effort for us to become popular, which’ll never happen. Honestly he wouldn’t believe I was Spider-Man even if I swung past him with my mask off.” Peter rolled his eyes again as he thought of how stupid the boy could be.

Wade laughed a little more at how Peter insinuated that Flash was dumb and stood up, running to Peter and jumping at him, expecting him to catch him. He did. Peter has now holding Wade bridal style and the older man’s arms were loosely thrown around his neck. “I’ll do it sweet cheeks.” The eyes on Peter’s suit widened as he processed what was said before they narrowed. “Wait, I didn’t even tell you what we were gonna do.” He wasn’t all that surprised that Wade agreed without knowing what was happening. Not at all. Wade was just like that.

“You want me to show up to your school on whatever day and act like we’re dating right? Show that Flash asshole that you were telling the truth, right?” Peter leaned his head back so that he could stare at Wade and make a point of blinking a few times. “Well, yes, you are right. I told him you‘ll come on Friday after school. And I was thinking you could also subtly tell him that we met because Spider-Man introduced me to you.” Wade nodded before letting go of Peter’s neck to put his hands against his masked cheeks and gasped.

“Does that mean I can kiss you?” When Peter dropped him and pushed him off the building in a panic (he remembered there being a skip-bin exactly where he had pushed Wade when they scaled the building, Peter felt guilty when he looked and saw that the bin was not there anymore and Wade’s broken body was in its place) and Wade came back to consciousness to see Peter without his mask on glaring at him, it should have been answer enough to the question. (Wade could see the guilt in Peter’s eyes, but he didn’t mention it, he never did.)

According to Wade, that wasn’t a no but he was definitely going to be able to make do with that.

  


 

* * *

 

Come Friday, Peter was both excited and nervous. He knew that Wade was fully willing to help him prove Flash wrong so he was excited to see him get what he deserved, but he was more nervous because Wade had more than a few screws loose and Peter had no clue just _what_ he was going to do.

Throughout the day, Flash was teasing Peter relentlessly, pestering him and claiming that he's lying about dating Deadpool just like he was lying about knowing Spider-Man. Peter didn't say anything in response to any of Flash's remarks because he felt that the teasing wasn't worth a response. That is, until one point where Flash said that everything he has been telling people so far have been lies so everything about him must be a lie and his parents probably aren't dead and just didn't want him.

That one hurt.

Against better judgement, he whirled around, gave Flash a light (like, feather light by Peter's standards) push that was enough to send him to the ground as if he had been pushed by someone who was not genetically enhanced. Without hesitation, he hissed, "You know my boyfriend is a mercenary right? He kills for money. If he found out what you've done to me and he's in a bad mood, you might as well say goodbye to your life." And the terrified look on Flash's face before he ran off made it somewhat worth it.

 

* * *

 

Peter and Ned were waiting behind the back of the school building for Flash to arrive. Peter had already located where Wade was (partially because the dumbass was blowing kisses at him from the top of the school building and as soon as he pointed him out to Ned his friend waved at Wade and laughed at the over eccentric wave he got in return.) and now was keeping an ear out for Flash.

“Okay Parker, where’s your make-believe boyfriend at?” Peter heard Flash before he saw him. He was, surprisingly, not flanked by his cronies as he turned around the corner of the school building. The surprise must’ve shown on his face because Flash answered the question he was thinking. “They went home. You said us three and Deadpool and I’m nice enough to follow that.” He sniffed.

Peter nodded and looked up. He could feel Flash’s eyes leave him as he looked up and there was Wade. He was now laying stomach down on the edge of the roof of the school, kicking his legs like a little kid and looking down at them. His katanas were not at all discreet as the metal glinted whenever he moved, and that happened a lot. “Coming down sweet cheeks, make sure you catch me like you always do~” he cooed and it took all of Peter’s self restraint not to roll his eyes. He wasn’t gonna catch him just for that

He stood up Peter only had the chance to shout out “I’m not catching you.” before he jumped towards Peter. It looked like he was going to fall to one of his many deaths before Peter heard the familiar thwip of one of his own web shooters and Wade was suddenly suspended a few metres off the floor with a very broken arm and dislocated shoulder and just as he thought, one of his web shooters.

“Wade what in the fresh fuck are you doing with that?” Peter asked as he stomped closer to the man. He put his hand on Wade’s hip so he could use it as ‘leverage’ to jump up and activate the release function on the web shooters. After he did that Wade crumpled to the floor, grumbling about his arm. “Excuse you, but I’m gonna have to confiscate that, what would Mr Stark think of you if he found out you stole one of m- Spider-Man’s webshooters that he’s been letting me work on.” He scolded him as he took the device off Wade’s wrist, almost slipping up as he momentarily forgot about Flash and Ned being there. He helped set Wade’s shoulder back into place, the man yelping almost silently and all four males watched as the arm healed exactly as it should be.

“Oh come on sweet cheeks, can’t you let your boyfriend use your close pal’s technology once in a while?” Peter hit Wade over the head and glared at him. Wade yelped, seemingly forgetting the super strength his ‘boyfriend’ had gone viral for. That time the action was enough of an answer so Wade huffed and turned to Ned, giving a high five to the boy who was almost vibrating from his excitement and then turning back to Flash. “So, you’re the one who thinks my boyfriend is lying huh?” Flash was white as a sheet. This man was definitely Deadpool, the vigilante who just can’t die.

“You know, he’s very sweet when he’s not killing people.” Peter chimed up and from the way Wade turned to him with a bright look that Peter could practically feel through his mask, he thought he may be pushing the act a bit far. “I’ve gone five months clean for you sweet cheeks.” There were a few moments of silence before Peter could hear Ned cackling very quietly and Peter turned to look at his friend and show him over-exaggeratedly that he was rolling his eyes at his reaction. “How do I even know you’re actually Deadpool and you’re actually dating Parker?” Flash asked even though he most definitely just saw Wade’s broken arm fix itself in minutes.

Wade turned to look at Peter who now had a very indistinct look of dread on his face. “Well, do you know my backstory?” Flash shook his head “Well, basically I had cancer. Some guy told me he’d heal me and make me into a superhero and well I was a bit sceptical, but I followed him up about it. When I got to the place, they injected me with some serum to trigger a mutation then put me in a chamber and then the asshole who was in charge of it told me they weren’t making superheroes, they were making super-slaves. Then he cut off the oxygen flow into the chamber. It cured me of my cancer, that’s for sure, but it ended up disfiguring me forever. I have scars all over my body from where the lack of oxygen caused my skin to blister and shrivel.”

Wade then pulled up the bottom of his mask up until just under his eyes, revealing his marred skin which caused Flash to flinch and gape at the condition of the skin and Ned winced upon actually seeing the skin in person. Just like Peter usually did whenever the two saw each other unmasked, he slowly trailed his fingers down Wade’s face, barely masking his sadness.

Wade had shown Peter a picture of him and his wife prior to the incident which birthed Deadpool and he was one handsome man, it must’ve been horrible to take up an offer that saved his life but left him cursed. “He can’t die either. His mutation is that his body can heal itself, and that includes fatal wounds, like when his body is in pieces, when it’s missing limbs, when it’s broken, when there’s a bullet through his head, anything.” Peter added sadly.

“I could prove it to you.” Wade’s suspiciously cheerful statement instantly turned the mood on it’s head and he then pulled one of his katanas from their sheathes. Peter’s eyes widened and he turned and used his super strength to pull the katana from Wade’s rather strong grip. “Absolutely not I think he believes yo-“ he was cut off when Wade - the little shit - leaned forward and quickly kissed Peter on the lips. Barely more than a peck. He pulled away after two seconds and grinned at the flustered look on Peter’s face.

At the same time as the kiss occurred, Peter heard a strangely familiar song coming from where Ned was standing. It was the boys’ favourite ‘send this to your crush with no context’ parody of Careless Whisper.

  


Peter had to stifle his laughter as soon as he heard it but as soon as Wade pulled his mask back down he laughed carelessly as he realised what the song was.

Wade didn’t care what Flash thought of his reaction to the song because everyone who knows Deadpool should already know he doesn’t take mostly everything seriously. “How did you two meet?” Flash asked one last thing, eyes considerably wider than they were before. Wade straightened and Peter could practically sense his cheeky grin.

“Oh! Spider-Man introduced me to him! Best idea ever! Spidey is my best friend and when he told me he wanted to introduce me to one of the few people he’s close to other than the Avengers, who happens to be the guy both him and Tony Stark trust with the Spider-Man tech, I couldn’t say no, and I’m glad I did go with him that time because I met this gorgeous guy.” Peter blushed, he knew that Wade’s words were laced with lies to help him, but hearing him say that still made him flustered. The closest thing to a relationship he had was with Liz and that ended with him almost being crushed under a building, sending her father to jail and her and her mother moving to Oregon. That was totally a great first experience.

“That’s... great. Okay, well, it was nice to meet you? And Parker, I’m sorry that I said you were lying, I guess. About dating Deadpool, about knowing Spider-Man, about the Stark internship too, I guess. Maybe. I dunno about the Stark internship honestly. He probably doesn’t even know you but we’re not talking about this today.” Peter nodded at Flash’s words and the guy walked away. Peter realised he had the katana in his hand and once he was sure Flash was definitely gone, he went to transfer the katana from his dominant hand to the other, jolted when his Spidey Sense flipped out at the sword being that close to him while in motion and cursed silently when he accidentally cut both himself and Wade on their legs, dropping the sword before punching Wade on the shoulder.

“Dude! Not cool!” Peter scolded Wade and the older man yelped in mock-pain because of the shallow cut on his leg and the punch. Peter’s voice dropped to a whisper as he pouted, saying, “That was my first kiss.” Wade slapped his hand over his mouth in shock at the words. “Oh no! Sweet cheeks I’m sorry! You can push me off Stark tower for that.” Peter huffed and said nothing but Wade knew that even if the younger promised he would, he certainly wouldn’t push Wade off the tower. He then turned to Ned. “Sweet cheeks is this your famous best friend Ned?” Peter nodded slowly and turned to look at his friend. Ned looked like a jittery wind up toy, bouncing up and down on his toes.

“Why did you never introduce me to him before now?” Peter could hear the pout in Wade’s voice and he sighed, simply saying, “Dude, the three of us combined would cause chaos to break out wherever we go... gods, imagine us three, Loki and Shuri, the Princess of Wakanda. We’d cause World War 3.” The three of them laughed as they realised the chaos they could cause, but Wade stopped and stared at Peter wide-eyed, which made the two younger boys stop to look at him curiously.

“The five of us should destroy this entire fucking-“ he didn’t get any further into the sentence because the telltale sound of the Iron Man suit was heard and after landing barely a meter in front of them, Tony Stark retracted the suit and said, “No, nobody is destroying the world today. Te- Ned, you have to get home and Pete, kiddo, Happy has been waiting to drive you back to the tower for a very long time. He’s not happy.” Peter and Ned both paled and shot towards the front of the school, leaving Tony with Wade.

“You trying to scare teenagers?” He asked simply and Wade drawled in a sarcastic tone in response, “Well at least I didn’t kill ‘im. Peter said he’s been bullied by him for years and I think I may have just scared him off bullying your kid, hopefully for good.” Tony blinked, processed the words and then nodded in satisfaction. “Well, I guess you may have done something right today then. And Peter isn’t my kid. He’s still very much his Aunt’s, I’m just a guardian-“

“-He’s your kid, don’t deny it-“

“-I’m not denying it! He’s legally not my kid and that’s all that’s to it.” Wade hummed, still not believing Tony’s words too much. “Well, whatever. I guess I’ve gotta get going. Just, don’t hurt the kid, he’s gone through so much shit for and he’s still quite young still.” Tony warned Wade as he reformed the suit around his body and then flew off.

Wade sighed and picked up the katana which Peter had dropped after somehow being clumsy enough to wound both of them with it and made his way back home for another night that would be boring until the time when Peter normally left for patrol. Maybe he should eat pizza for dinner. Does he even have money for dinner? He hasn’t taken a proper job for ages, only the cheaper non-killing jobs, just to please Peter. He couldn’t help but wonder if Peter thought he did a good job, excluding the stolen first kiss.

  


**Author's Note:**

> This is not my first mcu fic! My first one will likely be the third one I post (because ~linear timelines~) but this is my first time writing Wade and my second time writing Peter so let me know how I did.
> 
> (Post editing note : Thank you CaseLC for pointing out that Peter's characterisation was wrong, I have since fixed that now that I have written more MCU fanfics and have a better grasp on his personality)


End file.
